Life Goes On...

I just cannot seem to keep up with this blog anymore! Last post was...well...a very long time ago. At that time I thought I was back blogging for sure, but that was a fail. I would like to get back to it, but no idea how often I can post. Things are always crazy and busy around here for sure!

There's a bunch of nothing and a ton that has happened in the past few months, most of it not new news, just me finally sharing on here to fellow followers. I am just a few months away from delivering another sweet baby boy! We are so excited that Braedan will be having a little brother to play with and love. It's always a strange thought or process to think about "when are we going to try for our next baby" it's such a big decision to change your family, to change the way things were, and it's easy to think that in an instant it will just happen. Heck, with Braedan we said ,let's make a baby, and it literally happened within days! And then we were off with all the normal scares and excitements of any pregnancy. It wasn't so easy this time around.

We decided to begin trying for baby #2 around the end of March. I at that point had switched to a more natural family planning method/fertility charting (and plan to do so again after baby is born), and it was exciting knowing exactly when everything was happening with my body. It was also nerve wracking the end of every month when I knew it would be time to test, and hoping that those pink lines would appear. Each month came with a little disappointment, but also a good feeling knowing that I knew for sure that I was not pregnant and didn't have to worry about all the things you worry about "when you're pregnant". And then May came. As mentioned in previous post, I had gone to a Living Proof Live conference. I remember just feeling tired, weird, minor cravings, and then the last day after lunch I lost my cookies. A small part of me (okay, a BIG part) hoped that it was baby sickness...and I brushed it off for gallbladder. So that next Wednesday, May 26th to be exact (my friend's birthday!) I saw the two pink lines. I was so excited, but also was hoping that the lines would get darker than they were, as it was very early still. So I tested the next few days...and it didn't get darker. And I was temping as well, and it was staying high, good sign. We didn't say anything to anyone (well one person was aware as of that Sunday, but no one else). We didn't want to share until we knew for sure all was good. And then Monday came.

Monday morning was Memorial Day. What a day of Memorial it was to become for us. First thing in the morning I took my temp, and it had dropped. Super sad moment. I was scared. I wasn't feeling right. Something was not right. And then in happened. I started to bleed. I knew right away, and my day was ruined. I ended up taking a test, and it was confirmed. We had lost the baby. It was a sad, heartbroken day, and only three friends knew about it. It was hard for weeks to not be able to share, as no one one knew, and we decided to keep it that way because I think that so many people do not understand situations like that, they don't know what to say, and many end up saying the wrong things. It continued to  be hard especially in the next month when the tissues of the pregnancy had finally "passed" through my body. To spare the detail of that I will not share,but those of you who have experienced this know exactly what I am talking about. It was sad. That baby would have been due February 4th, 2011. Now it's March of 2011. I am at peace with  the situation, and know that there was nothing wrong I did and that baby just wasn't forming right most likely. No one really ever knows why a baby is lost in most cases, but it happens. Probably more often than you think and to friends of yours who, just like me, just didn't feel like sharing that deep hurt in their lives.

And then came October. We had continued to try for a few months for another baby, but just casually. Not super strict at all. It had been 6 months of trying so far, and we decided to "take a month off" of the planning and charting, as it was nothing but disappointing every month. But around the time when I normally ovulate, I decided to temp, just to see where I was. So it was sort of, half a month off. October 9th was a Saturday, and my mother was coming to visit that day. I took a test in the morning, I was trying to figure out where I was in my cycle. And to my surprise,  two pink lines showed up. I did not know what to think. I was excited, and showed James, and we decided to keep it our secret for now, maybe get past the marker point of when we had lost the last one. But as days passed, I knew it was different. I just knew that it was going to be ok. I wasn't as fearful, but still cautious and hesitant, I wanted to tell everyone, but tell no one at the same time. So we didn't tell anyone. Well...except the one person found out because she's a friend on the fertility site I was using...I thought I had blocked my charts, and I did, but at the very top of my home page it automatically posts a BFP (which stands for "big fat positive" for those who don't know), and I was busted haha. But that was ok. No one else found out for a little while. We were excited. After 6 months of trying and one loss, we had finally conceived a baby, what we now know is our second baby boy, and we are very excited.

This pregnancy has been tough, the last one was tough too...tough as in sick allllll theeee timmmmmeeeee. Yep. Not cool. I spend Sunday mornings puking my guts out and trying to get to the church on time for rehearsal, but for the most part all has been good. It has been a big adjustment trying to deal with pregnancy exhaustion, morning sickness, and a toddler at the same time, but still fun. Braedan understands that there is a baby in mommy's belly, and it's really funny when he tries to kick the baby, because baby kicks him. No he hasn't actually kicked my stomach, it's just funny he thinks he can. But he's a good boy. I think he's going to be a good big brother. And from the scans so far, it looks like this baby might end up looking similar to Braedan.

So that is a long post, but just some things I needed to get down. I hope to be back soon, sooner than last time, but we are getting close now. I have 15 weeks left of this pregnancy. So strange to think that about 10 weeks from now was when Braedan was delivered. I do hope for full time this time, but one never knows. Anything can happen. So long for now fellow readers. Spring is coming!