Tears On My Pillow...

I allowed myself to cry. A little. Last night as I was laying in bed listening to my husband talk to me, I just felt so sad, so alone, and usually I can bottle that up. I haven't cried in a long time, but It felt almost good. But it sucked at the same time. I don't like showing emotion, especially a sadness, a vulnerability. But it needed to happen. Part of me wanted to just let out and break down like a child, and I couldn't let myself do it. I still had some control, but the tears were there. I could't stop the stream from coming down onto my pillow and I couldn't keep my husband from seeing them. Even as my lips trembled I tried to stop it. To tell you the truth, I feel a little better. Maybe I will feel even more better, more complete, more whole, once I let myself slip some more into this vulnerable state of emotion: to cry; even if it's just a few tears on my pillow.