Thin.

I just watched the HBO documentary "THIN" and it was very sad. It shows several girls (5 main characters in particular) who are all in "recovery" at Renfrew, hoping to be healed...well most hoping anyway. You see when the girls get to leave what they do after, returning to their old eating disordered ways. One woman even died just this year from her disorder. Its sad to think that I was once in their position, struggling, not caring about changing, and watching it really brought back some things for me, and reminded me of things I do not want for me, or for my child. It reminded me why it is good to stay healthy, positive, and have emotion. Emotion is something I lack, something I have control over. I have the control not to feel. But this kind of control is exactly the kind of control I need to give up. But where do you start? How do you start? I suppose that this should be a goal. Learning how to let emotion into my life and allow it to enter whenever it feels the need. Not just the emotion of anger, that is achieved too easily. But, to allow oneself to cry is ultimate surrender. I should try that.